Ron Artest?s new number explained via numerology

Unfortunately, Ron Artest will not become Metta World Peace for several more weeks due to the state of California's draconian parking ticket laws. Nevertheless, this wonderful moment will happen eventually. Then the heavens will part and a higher power will smile upon the universe.

Whenever Mr. World Peace returns to the court (or hits the court for the first time? Help me, AP Stylebook!), he'll also have a new number: 70. In an interview with Yahoo! Sports' own Marc Spears, he explained the meaning of the number:

"I'm changing it to 70 because it's like something to do with the universe," Artest said. "Everything kind of repeats itself. The universe is one. It's the same thing. Healthy minds, just keeping the kids positive."

You may laugh at this answer, but it is technically correct. The number 70 does indeed have significance to the universe, and not just because it is a thing that exists in said universe. Earlier Friday, Trey Kerby gestured towards the concept of numerology as it applies to this case and produced a laughably incomplete study. But he did start the important work of divining the meaning of Ron-Ron's decision.

Fear not. Armed with expert analysis from the not-at-all-ridiculous site RidingTheBeast.com, I have deduced the meaning of this number as it applies to the universe and Metta World Peace's role therein. Check it out after the jump.

Let's start with the most basic meanings of 70.

Number corresponding to the totality of an evolution, an evolutionary cycle being completely completed, according to Saint Augustin.

This one fits the Lakers' new era perfectly. Without Phil Jackson, the era of the triangle offense is dead. Will their contender status follow? Only the Lord above knows.

The corresponding Hebraic letter is hain, which corresponded to the sixteenth mystery of the Tarot: the house-God, symbol of fall, collapse, catastrophe - there is agreement with the idea of termination of cycle, according to R. Allendy.

I don't know who R. Allendy is, but he must be a Lakers fan. As every NBA fan knows, Kobe Bryant is effectively the house-God of Los Angeles. If he loses favor with Artest, the cycle of championship contention may end.

There are also several correspondences with the Bible. Here's but a sampling.

Jacob has fathered 70 children. (Ex 1, 5)

Let's just let that one be.

The 70 peoples of the earth dispersed after the sacrilegious construction of the tower of Babel, fault that falls down on the whole humanity. (Gn 10)

Obviously Artest's regular nonsense talk is some kind of attempt to unite the world under one language.

Various other cultures and world facts have correspondences with 70, too.

Mohammed saw to the sky an angel having 70 thousands heads and each head was equipped of 70 thousands mouths. The face of the Almighty was also covered of 70 sails in order that nobody saw Him.

Honestly, I have no idea what that means, but it sounds awesome.

The seas represent 70% of the surface of the Earth.

Ron-Ron, like water, flows naturally and is the building block of life.

There is much more on RidingTheBeast.com. For instance, did you know that Michael Jordan's 23 corresponds to the number of dogmas in the Catholic Church. How did we never nickname him the Papal Bull?

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Lockout Videos: Your 1990 NBA All-Star Introductions!

By the '90s, All-Star Weekend was a mainstay of the NBA. Fans had eaten up the dunk contest, 3-point contest, and all manner of hijinks during the '80s, and things were only going to improve.

This video from 1990s All-Star Saturday in Miami suggests that they were still working out some of the kinks. Not only did they curiously introduce every All-Star on live TV when the game itself took place the next day, but they also made them walk down a giant-shoe staircase to an "It Takes Two" remix that contains all the cliches of late-'80s/early-'90s rap.

On the other hand, this video is worth watching for several reasons. Like, say, the fashions of the era, including Dominique Wilkins' hilarious high-fastening pants and Dennis Rodman in normal clothes. Or, I don't know, hard-to-find highlights of Tom Chambers and Fat Lever.

The true piece de resistance, though, is what has to be the only available highlight of Chris Mullin dunking on an opponent. Clips like that one just don't come along very often. It's the basketball version of the original director's cut of "The Magnificent Ambersons."

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Video: Lions receiver taunts Cleveland fans with mock LeBron chalk toss

LeBron James may not be too popular with America at large, but most athletes still like him just fine. In part, that's because they're a brotherhood -- they understand his point of view and why he may have felt the need to air a free-agency announcement special on national TV. More generally, though, it's just not in their interest to talk crap about people they may have to work with or see socially on a regular basis. They get along for the same reasons you don't yell at the dude who always talks about his workout routine in the office. Why create bad blood when it's not necessary?

[Related: LeBron gets scared on high dive]

Most athletes have not been vocal in their support of James. However, in a preseason NFL game last Friday, Detroit Lions wide receiver Nate Burleson caught a touchdown against the Browns in Cleveland. As you can see in the video above, he celebrated by mimicking LeBron's famous pregame chalk toss. After the game, he explained his celebration. From Dave Birkett for the Detroit Free Press (via EOB):

"It was a LeBron thing," Burleson explained today. "I wasn't going to do it. See, I had a plan. I had two celebrations planned. I was going to catch the ball, get up, do the shot by (Michael) Jordan (against the Cleveland Cavaliers in the 1989�NBA playoffs) and the three pumps. I've got it all down. I've seen it like a million times.

"But then when I got in the�end�zone, I was waiting for the ref, and then when I looked at the crowd, the Dawg Pound went crazy. They were cussing me out, talking about my momma, so I was like forget that. Where's the powder at. Voom."

Wow, Burleson really hates Cleveland. I guess he didn't think Genesis deserved their Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction in 2010.

OK, so maybe Burleson didn't celebrate in this perversely anti-Cleve way just because of LeBron. Still, it was a stupid idea, and for much the same reasons that few players have come out in support of LeBron in the press. At 30 years old, Burleson is likely to spend a few more years in the NFL. What happens if he's a free agent and Cleveland needs receiver help? Will they remember the time he angered their fan base in a meaningless game. Is he just a big jerk who probably shouldn't ever be given a job in the sport again?

A professional sports league is an unconvential work environment. But the employees have to deal with the same kind of relationships as people who work in a white-collar bullpen.

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Days of NBA Lives: Wherein Kevin Love takes Intro to Sports Guy Studies

At this point, seemingly half the NBA is on Twitter. It's a wild world of training updates, questions as to which movies they should go see, and explanations of their Call of Duty prowess. Every so often, though, you also get a picture into the more interesting aspects of NBA life. This feature is your window into that world.

Blake Griffin: Shout out to the dude in the hummer on the 405 who just flipped off an old lady for no reason. The devil is smiling. #LA

Kevin Love: Interesting question posed in class. In context of American popular culture, who would YOU put on your cultural Mt. Rushmore?

Nazr Mohammed: The only players that can get away with buying homes where they play are the franchise players. Better chances of being there long term. ? I learned my lesson... Didn't listen to my financial advisor 2x's and bought a house where I played and lost big both x's. #RealtorWasHappy

Jameer Nelson: OMGoodness. This laday next to me on the plane has a bunch of Fried fish and other Ish!!!! She got the plane on stink... Ewww and she's spilling stuff everywhere. I can't even concentrate on this Carter 4 right now.

Sonny Weems: At least in Spain and Italy you can say some of the words in there language, but here you can't pronounce anything at all lol

You can also follow Eric Freeman on Twitter at @freemaneric.

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Yao wants Hall nomination put on hold (AP)

Yao Ming's agent has asked the Naismith Basketball Hall of Fame to set aside the former All-Star center's nomination for a later year. Yao, who retired in July, was nominated by a member of the Chinese media as a contributor to the game, and would've been eligible for induction as early as 2012.

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Lockout videos: Isiah Thomas and the 1988 Finals

Since basic cable has given way to myriad channels up to and including NBA TV, we've lost some of the splendor that comes with the odd showing of something seemingly ancient on basic cable.

YouTube helps, though. And in the case of a forgotten legend like Isiah Thomas, whose playoff (if not career and/or statistical) accomplishments have been rightfully overshadowed by his pathetic turn as a broadcaster, league owner, coach, and team executive, YouTube is necessary.

It helps you remember instances like this: When CBS was in charge. More specifically, it's the time he badly sprained his ankle and still managed to drop 25 points in a quarter in Game 6 of the NBA Finals against the defending (and eventual) champion Los Angeles Lakers:

Detroit lost that game. They shouldn't have, mainly because their best player badly sprained his ankle (though he didn't exactly score all 25 on one ankle). They shouldn't have lost the Game 7 of this series, either, mainly because their leader sprained his ankle. Detroit was the better team.

To those of us whose recollections of NBA messes gone by were relegated to our own 1980s memories, the odd Sports Illustrated cover, and absolutely nothing else?

There was a show on ESPN in the mid 1990s, hosted by a slumming (yet enjoying it) Dan Patrick (that heralded Mason Comet), that managed to break down classic NBA playoff contests in 22 minutes or less. Usually sponsored by a famous terrible-taco chain. For those that dared think outside the bun, a between-gigs Isiah Thomas, talking about his team's "failures" in the 1988 Finals, was suitable for bronzing. Even without Zeke's tears, it was a hoop junkie's dream. I wish I could link to the clips.

The Pistons' captain attempted to explain, decked out in a ridiculous burgundy'ish blazer, why he could not attempt to articulate just how much that 1988 run to runner-up status meant to him. Thomas had, maybe, two minutes to explain to Patrick why he was so emotional over a Finals loss that happened just a half-decade before (as if, in 1994, 1988 was ancient history), and he just could not.

"You wouldn't understand," he kept telling Patrick. Not in a dismissive way. Not in some jock-ish way that precludes anyone from dropping 40 in an NBA game from ever "getting it."

Perhaps there was some of that. But less in Isiah at that point than I've seen in just about any other athlete who wants to tell me what's what.

No, it was in the same way that none of us will ever understand another person's greatest regret in life. Their longest fall. Their toughest defeat. The quip that could have worked. The line that may have sealed it. For love, for money, for happiness. The thing that meant the most, even if it meant the worst. I wish Isiah's interview with Patrick were online. It's in my garage somewhere, on a VHS tape, but you'll have to pardon me for not digging through the crates to find it. It's not like I've had an entire summer off to find it.

"You wouldn't understand," he told Patrick. After that he mentioned a few of his teammates. His "defeated" teammates, even though most observers knew that the 1987-88 Detroit Pistons were superior to the 1987-88 Los Angeles Lakers. Even though those teammates, outside of mainstay Adrian Dantley, were with Thomas as the Pistons went on to match the Lakers and win two consecutive championships in 1989 and 1990.

"You wouldn't understand," Thomas kept saying.

Also, there's one line beyond that, that I remember.

"To see Dennis, the way he was ..."

This interview with Patrick wasn't filmed with Dennis Rodman in Chicago, sporting the wedding dress. This wasn't Dennis, in Los Angeles, begging his way onto a team that could have used him but really should have had nothing to do with him. This wasn't Dennis, on basic cable, last year.

No, this was Dennis in San Antonio. Feuding with respected basketball minds, "dating" Madonna (a lot of "dates" down in San Antonio Mrs. Ciccone? A nice night out, wondering how far things should go beyond a peck in the back of a taxi?), throwing it all away. Figuring it all out, as we often do, while we mess it all up.

This was before "Dennis," the thing you'd gawk at, with an absence of tact. But it was during the idea of "Dennis," the guy that had a lot to figure out. Even if he was spending nights in a hotel room with, quite literally, the most famous woman in the Western world. In 1994, at least.

And it wasn't a comment, from Isiah. Nothing was planned. Nothing was set, to secure the legacy.

It was just a guy that missed the thing that happened 100 nights a year. The part of your night where some big guy would try to tap a basketball back to you at the start of a game, so that you could orchestrate a team as you saw fit.

At some point, I'll find that video. ESPN might sue the pants off of me, but I'll discover a way to post my second YouTube video beyond this one.

Until then? Watch these videos. Because Isiah Thomas, before he was a joke, was no joke. Who cares about a legacy, when your game speaks volumes?

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Blake Griffin takes a lockout-inspired intern gig at FunnyOrDie.com

The NBA lockout could roll on for another 13 or 14 months, at this rate, so 2010-11 Rookie of the Year Blake Griffin has decided to use his time wisely, if on a pro bono scale. The Clippers forward is working as an intern at FunnyOrDie.com.

Look -- he's even tucking his shirt in. That's a kid with promise.

With the backing of actor Will Ferrell and writer/director Adam McKay, FunnyOrDie.com started up nearly five years ago to widespread acclaim. Featuring the infamous "The Landlord" clip (boasting McKay's daughter giving a profane, drunken harangue to a beleaguered tenant character played by Ferrell) right out of the gate helped, but the quality of product and the intelligent vote it up/let it die judging setup turned the site into an all-timer.

Griffin was born in 1989, so the All-Star has lived half his life in a world where Flash technology makes it so ha-ha videos were just a few clicks away. A site like FunnyOrDie.com is right in his generation's wheelhouse, and an internship with the comedy collective is right in Griffin's alley. The man knows all about alleys, and wheelhouses, and he's proven again and again that his dry sense of humor and comedic timing are miles removed from most of his hoops peers.

This is a player that had us all cackling at his initial and unofficial first press gathering as an NBA player, following a superfluous pre-draft workout with the Clippers when it was all but a given that Los Angeles would select Griffin first overall. He then went toe-to-toe with Peter Mehlman, no small feat, and acquitted himself well in two visits with Norm MacDonald (the second visit, from Griffin's ROY press conference, has been wiped from the Internets by a humorless NBA.com).

Does this mean the lowly intern will be appearing in any FoD videos anytime soon? Well, yes. He's Blake Griffin. Even if he weren't hilarious, he's Blake Griffin. Chin up, fellow interns. Blake can get his chin over the rim. You're out of your depth, would-be Rosie Shuster.

And if the on-screen thing doesn't work out for you, fellow interns, there's always a ton of money to be made as a writer.

(Now that's funny.)

(Photo credit: Associated Press)

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