C-a-C: Martell Webster?s lockout job hunt is getting desperate

"Hey ? Steve Ballmer, right? From Microsoft? Hey! Hey! I'm Martell Webster ... yep, yep, the one from the Minnesota Timberwolves who's left you all those voice mails! Just wanted to check: Did that Texas rodeo munchies executive basket make its way to you all right? ... No, huh? Hmm. I know it shipped. That's a shame. You might want to keep a closer eye on that assistant of yours! Melanie ? oh, yeah, we talk like every day ? she may be a bit of a 'snack interceptor.' Also, I think she's telling people your schedule's booked solid when really it isn't.

"Anyway, no big deal! Listen: I'm kind of 'in between gigs' at the moment, and if you've got a minute, I'd love to tell you why I think I would be a great fit at your computer-making factory. If you give me that minute, I promise I'll put a shirt on and stop touching your arm! Hahahahahahanoiwontimneverlettinggohahahahaha!"

Best caption wins the polite smile of a terrified man. Good luck.

In our last adventure: INTO THE PAST! Del Harris and Don Nelson like to keep things light on the Dallas Mavericks' bench.

Winner, Rudy, The Balls: "The whole team's wearin' 'em. Turns out, Ginobili is terrified of clowns."

Runner-up, Roger Mason Jr. = Hero: Now, Mr. Biedrins ... Andris ... show us where the clown touched you.

Second runner-up, Mark M: Del Harris: "Are these the noses that the owners are wearing to the CBA meetings?"

Don Nelson: "Yeah, they were all out of Pinocchio noses."

NOTE: On one hand, this does strain time-space C-a-C credulity a bit; as a result, in the future, we might have to view this third-place winner as non-canonical. On the other: How's your BURN, NBA owners? Might want to rub some cooling aloe vera lotion on your scorched skin.

Julius Erving Patrick Ewing Walt Frazier George Gervin Hal Greer