In new book, Shaq explains how his relationship with Kobe went sour

If you've followed basketball for any amount of time over the past decade, you are probably well aware that Shaquille O'Neal and Kobe Bryant don't get along with each other particularly well. Even before Shaq was traded to the Heat in 2004, it was common knowledge that their relationship had become untenable. Since then, there have been profane freestyle raps, barely veiled insults, and plenty of other incidents. It's the feud that won't die. The NBA even promoted it as its top rivalry for years after Shaq had lost his status as one of the best big men in the game.

Now that O'Neal is retired and a full-time media personality, he's written a new book about his life and career with the help Hall of Fame writer Jackie MacMullan called "Shaq Uncut: My Story." Not surprisingly, there are several stories about Kobe. Deadspin has several excerpts, which we have excerpted even further after the jump.

So I'm on edge because I don't have a new deal, and Kobe is on edge because he might be going to jail, so we're taking it out on each other. Just before the start of the '03-'04 season the coaching staff called us in and said, "No more public sparring or you'll get fined." ... Phil was tired of it. Karl Malone and Gary Payton were sick of it. ... So what happens? Immediately after that Kobe runs right out to Jim Gray and does this interview where he lets me have it. He said I was fat and out of shape. He said I was milking my toe injury for more time off, and the injury wasn't even that serious. (Yeah, right. It only ended my damn career.) He said I was "lobbying for a contract extension when we have two Hall of Famers playing pretty much for free." I'm sitting there watching this interview and I'm gonna explode. Hours earlier we had just promised our coach we'd stop. It was a truce broken. I let the guys know, "I'm going to kill him."

Kobe stands up and goes face-to-face with me and says, "You always said you're my big brother, you'd do anything for me, and then this Colorado thing happens and you never even called me." I did call him. ... So here we are now, and we find out he really was hurt that we didn't stand behind him. That was something new. I didn't think he gave a rat's ass about us either way. "Well, I thought you'd publicly support me, at least," Kobe said. "You're supposed to be my friend."

Brian Shaw chimed in with "Kobe, why would you think that? Shaq had all these parties and you never showed up for any of them. We invited you to dinner on the road and you didn't come. Shaq invited you to his wedding and you weren't there. Then you got married and didn't invite any of us. And now you are in the middle of this problem, this sensitive situation, and now you want all of us to step up for you. We don't even know you." ...

Everyone was starting to calm down when I told Kobe, "If you ever say anything like what you said to Jim Gray ever again, I will kill you."

Kobe shrugged and said, "Whatever."
[...]
From that day on, I was done dealing with Kobe. I was done dealing with Jim Gray, too. What goes around, comes around. When he got fired, he actually had the nerve to call me and ask me to help him out. What, did you lose Kobe's number?

Shaq adds:

He was so young and so immature in some ways, but I can tell you this: everything Kobe is doing now, he told me all the way back then he was going to do it. We were sitting on the bus once and he told me, "I'm going to be the number one scorer for the Lakers, I'm going to win five or six championships, and I'm going to be the best player in the game." I was like, "Okay, whatever." Then he looked me right in the eye and said, "I'm going to be the Will Smith of the NBA."

My first Lakers season we had a couple of rookies, and we hazed them pretty badly. We were dogging them out constantly. It was "Go get my bags, go get me something to eat." It was kind of a rite of passage in the NBA that a lot of teams do, but we probably went a little too far with it. One of the rookies?Derek Fisher?just took it. The other rookie?Kobe Bryant?ratted us out to Jerry West.

There's more in the Deadspin post, including some tough-guy talk aimed at Jim Gray and a very silly, unnecessary story about snail-mail correspondence with Halle Berry during Shaq's time at LSU. The Kobe passages are the clear headline grabbers here.

The specifics of their falling out are interesting, even if their feud is old news for NBA fans.� Lakers fans will be especially interested, I'm sure. But who outside of Los Angeles still harps on these he-said, he-said tiffs? Now that Shaq's retired, does Kobe even care anymore?

We'll find out if Shaq's book doesn't sell many copies. With stories like this one, it's the market that ultimately determines relevance.

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Erving denies auction tied to lawsuit (AP)

Julius Erving has denied an upcoming auction of his personal basketball memorabilia collection is tied to a lawsuit filed against him by a Georgia bank. Known on the hardwood as Dr. J, Erving tells The Associated Press on Wednesday he's never been a "hoarder or collector," and plans to donate a portion of the auction proceeds to the Salvation Army.

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Jay Leno, incapable of much else, asks President Obama about the NBA lockout

Disappointment comes from various angles, deserved or otherwise. Should we have stayed cynics from the beginning? Should we have expected more from a president who clearly has little power to drive legislature up the relative kilt of a lobbyist-mad government? Should we ask more from a man who seems above a mess like "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno"? Shouldn't we hope for more from a prez that knows that Rajon Rondo sticks his right elbow too far out when he shoots?

Actually, no. There are more important things going on, even with the NBA owners preferring to take the first two months of the season off to save money. That doesn't mean President Barack Obama isn't "heartbroken," again, about the way things have gone with this current NBA lockout.

From the Leno show:

"Well, look, if you look at the NFL, they were able to settle theirs -- and I think they understood. Players were making millions of dollars. Owners, some of us are worth billions of dollars. We should be able to figure out how to split a $9 billion pot so that our fans, who are allowing us to make all of this money, can actually have a good season. And I think the owners and the basketball players need to think the same way.

"They need to remind themselves that the reason they are so successful is because a whole bunch of folks out there love basketball. Basketball has actually done well, but these types of lockouts take a long time to recover from."

Dyspeptic, frustrated, cynical former Obama voter and NBA fan: "Yep."

Full video with that hump Jay Leno after the jump.

Also, don't wear an American flag lapel pin, president. We know you love this country. You don't need to pander to tourists visiting Burbank when you're the electorally voted-in Commander in Chief. If the punters can't understand your devotion, as it was for the 43 presidents that preceded you, then you needn't sway to speak their symbolist language.

That said, the idea of a "good game" when watching a baseball game between two teams you don't care about, as Obama talked about during his take on the World Series? My father, and Spike Lee's father (for further documentation, read Ralph Wiley's "Best Seat in the House"), used to use the same line. They couldn't be more disparate in terms of their political ideologies, so that's a good line to hear. Even after watching President Barack Obama shill on a shell of what used to be prominent, out of Burbank, at 11:35 Eastern time.

More to come? Hardly.

Enjoy Game 6 Wednesday night, Mr. President.

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Larry Hughes wants an NBA comeback. We all want an NBA comeback

Larry Hughes' last NBA turn was a 45-game stint during 2009-10 that included stops in New York and Charlotte. It was far from celebrated. And like most NBA players, past or present, he'd really like a gig during the 2011-12 NBA season. Line up, LH.

The Washington Post's Michael Lee is documenting Hughes' comeback turn, mainly because Larry's finest run as an NBA contributor happened within Lee's scope in Washington during Hughes' career year in 2004-05.

Here's the Post's take on Hughes' comeback:

"Obviously, I wanted to play," Hughes said recently. "At the same time I wanted to be stable. I didn't want to go to a situation where it was a one-year deal, or partial guarantee deal where at any time you could be out of there moving on. I wanted certain things after moving around the past three years, to different teams, I wanted something solid. If I didn't get that, I wasn't coming back."

But when he participated in the Impact Basketball Competitive Training Series last month Las Vegas, the 32-year-old Hughes said that he wasn't quite ready to retire. "I still got some game left. Having a role on a team, a contending team, is what I'm looking for. We'll see how it goes."

This is the part where we're supposed to act a prat, point out that Hughes never really developed and never even came close to that career-year of 2004-05. That with his limited jumper, declining athleticism and inefficient offensive game, Hughes isn't much to behold even at his best -- much less 13-plus years following his selection in the 1998 draft lottery.

He's also 32, though, which isn't too far off from an NBA player's prime. With long arms, good hands, a sometimes-there jumper, and good instincts. At least defensively, as Hughes is just six years removed from leading the NBA in steals. He really should be able to pick up where the NBA left off, and work as wing depth off the bench. This should be the case, at least, when you factor in his skills, his frame, his athleticism and age and abilities.

That has rarely been a point of purpose with LH, sadly. He never really cashed in on those physical gifts, and that touch, save for his contract year in 2004-05. Though it helped to doom LeBron James' time in Cleveland, we don't mind reminding that we were on board with the Cavaliers wasting a max contract on Larry during the 2005 offseason, because he seemed (coming off a 21 PER season at age 26) the mini-LeBron that Cleveland needed handling the broken plays. We, and Cleveland, were terribly wrong.

With everything in place, as a wing defender who works his way to the occasional smart shot, Hughes should work in the NBA at his age. But he hasn't shown anything, even in his finest season, that would allow us to assume that he could pull off the cerebral, veteran, Ron Harper-act. From the neck tattoo during his rookie year to the front-rimmed jumpers during his last few seasons, Larry Hughes always seemed like the sort of guy who just never got it.

The NBA and its players don't really get it, at this point in the lockout, so he doesn't exactly stand out negatively in that regard. Perhaps with the break and the humility inherent in a work stoppage Larry can get it together. Maybe party like it's 2005. Here's hoping, because Larry Hughes' potential has always been something to behold.

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Chris Paul and his family will appear on ?Family Feud?

As a window into the mind of the average American, the "Family Feud" concept is something of a dinosaur. When the nation's culture was relatively uniform, it made sense that 100 random people would produce a relatable set of answers to basic questions about their lives. However, in this age of fragmented subcultures, it's hard to know what kind of people go to shopping malls anymore, let alone agree to answer questions from an unpaid intern who just wants to go home and work on "FarmVille" projects.

Nevertheless, the "Feud" soldiers on, now with funnyman Steve Harvey as host. It is still reasonably popular, too. Or, at the very least, NBA superstars still love it. In fact, one of them is going to play the game soon. From Dave Walker of The New Orleans Times-Picayune (via TBJ):

New Orleans Hornets�star Chris Paul and his family will play "Family Feud" next week to benefit Paul's�CP3 Foundation. The episode is scheduled to air at 3 p.m. Tuesday (Nov. 1) on WGNO.

According to a news release, the Paul team applied and auditioned for the show, hosted by Steve Harvey, just as any family can. (The show's contestant hotline: 323.762.8467.)

Prizes include $100,000 and a car, which would surely be a fine haul for Paul's foundation. The fact that he applied just like anyone else makes this story even better -- it almost seems like it was a childhood dream of his to appear on the show. I guess we can thank the lockout for giving him the time to do so.

With any luck, Paul can help prove that NBA players aren't as out of touch with everyday people as many people think. He probably knows which items people forget to pack just like anyone else does.

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Deron Williams is finding Turkish basketball life to be very different

All-Star point guard Deron Williams was one of the first players to sign a contract in Europe to make money during the lockout. Not only that, but he made the decision way back in July, which suggests he's some sort of lockout Tiresias. Or, you know, a guy who read the news.

Williams has been in Turkey playing for Besiktas for some time now. Not surprisingly, he is finding the experience to be very different from that of the NBA. He's blogging about the experience for ESPN.com. Here's a taste (via TBJ):

This is my first year playing international ball, so I'm still just trying to figure everything out with regard to my role. Obviously I've played in the Olympics with the same style of play, but that was still different because all of my teammates were American. They've actually been playing me at the two guard a lot here. Whatever I can do to help the team, I'm willing. I don't have any personal goals or stats I'm looking for over here; I just want to stay in shape, play basketball and have fun. As a team, we just want to win as many games as possible, win the Turkish League and now the Euro Challenge. I don't know how many of those games I'll have a chance to be a part of, but for every game I am here for, those are my goals.

I know that this situation is different for me than it is for everyone else here. When I leave to go back to the NBA, they're all still going to be here. So I'm not trying to come in here and prove anything. It's more about just trying to be part of a team over here, win some games and make my teammates better.

The locker room atmosphere has the same feel as the NBA. All of the guys get along and joke with each other. Pretty much every guy on the team speaks English. There are only one or two guys who don't speak great English, but even they know enough to get by. I'd say English is the "official" language on the team actually. Our coach�Ergin Ataman speaks English most of the time, except for when he's yelling at one of the Turkish players. Then he tends to go into Turkish mode. I'm not really sure what he's saying, but if he's not yelling at me I guess it doesn't matter.

Apparently European Basketball is a place where one of the two or three best point guards in the NBA has to play off the ball. If that doesn't prove that there's an adjustment to be made, then I don't know what does.

In all honesty, Williams appears to be approaching his Turkish working vacation in exactly the right way. He knows he's returning to America when the lockout ends, so he's taking pains to play the role of guest and not disrupting any of Besiktas's permanent arrangements. He's trying to help the team win games, but he also knows his employment is largely a business arrangement. Why force his will onto the team when he won't wear the uniform for more than a season (at most)?

With the lockout dragging on, it's likely that more players will head overseas. If that's the case, they should follow Williams' example and respect the basketball culture they're encountering. Turkish basketball isn't going to change forever just because Deron Williams is in the country. Realizing as much is a sign of intelligence and worldliness.

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Compromise needed to end NBA lockout (AP)

Anyone who has been to a car dealership, or bought a home, understands how negotiating works. One side offers a number, the other counters, and they meet somewhere in the middle and make a deal. That's not the way it's working in the NBA's labor standoff -- even with potentially $2 billion at stake for each side.

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Stern and the Celtics owner walk way from the table, but talks continue in NYC

Very early on Wednesday morning, I wrote that "expecting another 16-hour day from [the NBA and its players] on Wednesday is daffy," considering the 16-hour day the two sides put in on Tuesday in an attempt to end the ongoing NBA lockout. Well, who's daffy now?

The NBA and its players took a break a little after 7 1/2 hours of negotiations on Wednesday, with NBA commissioner David Stern, head legal counsel Joel Litvin and Boston Celtics owner Wyc Grousbeck heading to an owners-only meeting to discuss enhanced revenue sharing. They'll be back at the table later on Wednesday night, however, with the negotiations appearing to be heading into the wee hours yet again. Nothing contentious or showy going on here.

Who to thank for all this? Apparently federal mediator George Cohen, who once again managed to force both sides into keeping tight lips as they broke for a short respite near the end of the typical working day. NBA deputy commissioner Alan Silver has apparently long been the most talkative NBA voice at the table during these talks, so it might not even matter with Stern out of the room; especially with Cohen on board and the typical NBA Players Association retinue on hand.

Things are moving slowly, according to some of the few leaks that have filtered out. This is from Newsday's Alan Hahn:

Those expecting a quick resolution once Stern returns won't be satisfied, either. The fact that the owners are still haggling over just how to break up their own slice of the pie once they finally destroy the NBAPA is not a good sign. As has been the case for months, the league's own particular house has quite a bit to figure out.

Any talk is good talk, though. And it beats the heck out of going a month between meetings while the players freeze out their first missed paychecks.

UPDATE: George Cohen, in a short press conference on Wednesday night, announced that the meetings have concluded for the day at around 6:45 p.m. ET. Meetings, with the mediator present, will spark up again at 2 p.m. ET on Thursday.

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C-a-C Past Lives: You should not be using that at a press conference, Kobe Bryant

Gotta get�back in time ... Welcome to another edition of�Create-a-Caption Past Lives. Utterly befuddled as to what this is? Then go�take a peek at the first episode to get the lay of the land, ya maroon!

Hey: Let's get serious, young Kobe Bryant. An official public appearance is no place for that.

I mean, listen, whatever you do in the privacy of your own home is your business. I'm cool, man. I'm not here to be the Fun Police and harsh out your good times. But it's double-dumb and very irresponsible to bust it out in front of your brand new sponsors! What, do you think they're going to be happy to see you holding onto that ... that thing and giggling like a schoolkid? This is not the professional image you want to project, Kobe. I'll be honest; I'm not even mad. I'm just very, very disappointed.

Now give me the didgeridoo -- seriously, no one wants to hear it -- and let's see if we can't get this trip to Australia back on track.

Best caption wins a video named "Didgeridoo FAIL," obviously, because this is Internet. Good luck.

In our last adventure: I know you think you're pretty slick, Carmelo Anthony, what with your laser-light-show-Nas-rapping-shoe-release parties, but you are not doing a very good job of hiding whatever it is you're saying about LeBron James. Also, he is literally inches away from you, so he heard it all.

Basically, the next time you see him in the lunchroom, it is going to be awkward. Just be ready for that.

Winner, Jason: 'Melo: "I am not bloated. I am Bartles and you are James."

NOTE: This wins because WHAT EVEN IS IT? Bartles and Jaymes references in 2K11? Is there a rich vein of "Carmelo and LeBron as alternate reality/wine-cooler-based tag team" fan fiction that you guys have been hiding from me? Also, how are you hiding it? Wait, where do you guys get your fanfic? Are you not using FanFiction.net? Where are you guys going? So many questions! In conclusion, what even is this, except a winner. Thank you for playing

Runner-up, Kyler R.: 'Melo: "Say it, don't spray it, bro."

Second runner-up, Jrob: Nope. No rings there, either.

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Erving denies auction tied to lawsuit (AP)

Julius Erving has denied an upcoming auction of his personal basketball memorabilia collection is tied to a lawsuit filed against him by a Georgia bank. Known on the hardwood as Dr. J, Erving tells The Associated Press on Wednesday he's never been a "hoarder or collector," and plans to donate a portion of the auction proceeds to the Salvation Army.

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BDL Goes to the Movies: Anne Buford?s new hoops doc ?Elevate?

In the director's statement that comes packed along with the DVD screener of her new documentary "Elevate," director Anne Buford advances the high-minded purpose of making "a film about people who use sports as a tool for the betterment of others." In a telephone conversation with Ball Don't Lie on the day before the 81-minute film opened in limited release in New York and Los Angeles, she toned it down a bit.

"I got into this to make a story that was good for you, but not spinach," she said.

"Elevate" marks the directorial debut for Buford after a two-decade career in media that saw her rise from a junior assistant to legendary editor Anna Wintour all the way to Vogue magazine's communications director. Buford said she drew on her days working with Wintour on philanthropic fashion events like 7th on Sale and the Metropolitan Museum's Costume Institute Gala in making "Elevate."

"Anna was big on saying, 'People don't know that there are things that they should care about until you make it interesting for them to care about it,'" she said. "That was what I was looking for -- to turn people on to something that they might not necessarily get to, and to have a hook that made it interesting for them to get to it."

"Elevate," which tells the story of four Senegalese teens who hope to earn scholarships to play basketball and continue their education in America, hooks audiences early with the engaging personalities of its four stars. Assane, 16, stands 7-feet tall with a Magic Johnson smile that softens his domineering Kevin Garnett frame. Fellow 7-footer Aziz, 17, appears reserved off the court but uses his thick, muscular build to become a shot-blocking bully between the lines.

Dethie, 17, is a 6-9 forward who hopes to combine his classroom excellence with on-court prowess to achieve his "main objective ... to become a doctor." At just 6-3, Byago is the lone guard in the group, but the American coaches with whom he works think his combination of size, shooting and athleticism could make him an interesting point guard prospect.

Feelings of hope, opportunity, excitement and adventure permeate "Elevate." The tone is deliberate.

"I'm an optimistic person," Buford said. "I'm never going to be the person who looks at the downside."

As such, "Elevate" steers clear of some standard beats commonly seen in documentaries about both Africa and sports.

"When we were going through the festival process, people would say to me, 'There's no guns and violence. There's no guns. It's Africa, but there's no guns,'" Buford said. "Or they'd say, 'There's no LeBron James.' Well, I didn't set out to make a film that had guns or LeBron James, you know?'"

"Elevate" certainly doesn't suffer from the absence of brutality and star power. (Actually, sharp-eyed hoop heads will catch the likes of John Wall, DeMarcus Cousins and other eventual college and pro luminaries during an international youth tournament in the film's second half.) Instead, its focus on the tireless work of the staff at SEEDS Academy, the "one-of-a-kind boarding school for basketball players" in Senegal that helps the four leads find their way to the U.S., and the perseverance shown by four young men dealing with epic change in all phases of their lives, is engrossing. Invigorating. Uplifting.

The inspiration to make a sports-themed first feature came, in part, from Anne's big brother, R.C. Buford, a basketball lifer who now serves as the general manager of the San Antonio Spurs. (He's also one of the film's producers, along with Spurs owner Peter Holt.) From their youth in Wichita, Kan., Anne said, basketball was a constant in their lives.

"When we were kids, R.C. always played sports, and so much of our lives revolved around him playing sports," said Anne Buford, who is eight years R.C.'s junior. "You know, when he was an assistant at Kansas, I was a student, and Alvin Gentry, who came from North Carolina, and coach [Larry] Brown, who came from Long Island, and R.C., and this menagerie of other guys, they just spoke this language, and it was so ... they were all so different. The ability of sports to really bring people together and connect them, I thought, was fascinating."

As Anne Buford tells it, R.C. planted the seeds of "Elevate" with one phone call.

"My brother called me, I think, in the fall of 2004 and said, 'The junior African national team is on a tour, and they're going to be coming to New York ... and I hopefully am going to be adopting or taking guardianship of a young man on that team named Alexis Wangmene from Cameroon. Would you go say hi?'" she said.

And so, armed with "six dozen Krispy Kreme donuts," she set off to the hotel where Alexis, now a senior on the University of Texas basketball team, and his teammates were staying.

"I met this group of amazing, bright-eyed, tall, very interesting kids from Cameroon, Senegal and Nigeria," she said. "I was so fascinated by them."

That Christmas, the Bufords gathered in Kansas to celebrate the holidays, "and on Dec. 24, Alexis had flown from Cameroon to Wichita," Anne said.

"He arrived with the lightest little coat," she remembered, a scene recreated in "Elevate" when Assane first flies into John F. Kennedy Airport and is greeted by the unforgiving wind of a New York winter. "He comes into this place that he's never been to, that he could never have imagined. ... I was just fascinated at how you come into a world where you don't speak the language, you don't know what's going on, and you're 16 years old."

Her interest piqued, Anne approached R.C. to learn more about where Alexis came from. Big brother put her in touch with SEEDS director Amadou Gallo Fall, and the ball started rolling.

Anne Buford describes Fall as "someone who is doing something on a micro level in his area to bring change."

"He's not trying to [change] the whole world; he's not trying to be grand," she said. "He's focusing on what he can do with the blessings that he's been given. He met a Peace Corps worker when he was playing basketball in Tunisia who said, 'You could go to America and get a basketball scholarship and get an education.' And he says, 'Where do I sign up?'"

Fall went on to graduate magna cum laude from the University of the District of Columbia and spend 12 years scouting in the Dallas Mavericks organization, working his way up to the role of director of player personnel and vice president of international affairs. Last year, Fall was tapped to head up the NBA's initiatives in Africa.

"Someone who does what [Amadou] does in the NBA -- only they would know that this is an opportunity that you could leverage," Anne Buford said. "People want tall basketball players. Tall basketball players are unusual. So why don't we try to make this work for everyone?"

Throughout "Elevate," Fall reiterates to his young charges, including the four the film follows, the importance of not only taking advantage of opportunities like studying in America, but also doing their part to create new openings for the next generation of SEEDS youth.

"There's an unwritten rule, which is about not forgetting where you come from," Fall says in the film. "You've got to have an interest in sending back the lift so others can take it up."

From a basketball perspective, the pipeline of African players coming to the U.S. to pursue big-league careers has produced a number of pros, but relatively speaking, it's been more a trickle than a steady stream.

Eight players born and raised in Africa appeared on NBA rosters last year: D.J. Mbenga, Christian Eyenga and Serge Ibaka, from the Democratic Republic of the Congo; Desagana Diop and Hamady N'Diaye, from Senegal; Luc Richard Mbah a Moute, from Cameroon; Solomon Alabi, from Nigeria; and Hasheem Thabeet, from Tanzania. Whenever the next season starts, they'll be joined by highly touted Congolese rookie forward Bismack Biyombo.

Several others share African heritage -- Luol Deng was born in the Sudan, though he grew up in England and is a naturalized Brit; Kelenna Azubuike was born in England to Nigerian parents; and Steve Nash, Captain Canada, was born to an American mother and English father in South Africa. And over the years, about two-dozen other African-born players have made appearances in the league, including all-time greats like Hakeem Olajuwon and Dikembe Mutombo.

As the general manager of the Spurs, R.C. Buford has presided over an organization that has made an art form of finding international talent, turning late first-round and second-round draft picks into players like Manu Ginobili, Tony Parker, Luis Scola, Leandro Barbosa and Tiago Splitter. While philanthropic pursuits brought him to Africa, it would stand to reason that when an eye as sharp as his looks at a vast population of burgeoning athletic talents eager to learn the game, he sees an entire world of possibilities.

Citing the lockout, Buford declined to offer his perspective on the talent pool in Africa and how seriously the Spurs are looking at Africa as a viable pipeline in the years to come ("I can't answer anything about players"). He did, however, laud the approach to skill development, both on and off the court, taken by Fall and SEEDS, and note some potential lessons that can be implemented stateside.

"I think there are opportunities to analyze the developmental process of American sports that might otherwise be executed more efficiently elsewhere," he said. "I think that Amadou's approach to his group and his intentions for SEEDS are completely altruistic, and from a developmental standpoint, I think that's the purest opportunity for young people to succeed. His intentions aren't just necessarily of basketball development ... I think that's probably one of the opportunities for growth in the American sports developmental model, is the more holistic approach."

"Elevate" opens Friday in New York and Los Angeles.

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Beasley: Agent gave me improper benefits (AP)

Minnesota Timberwolves forward Michael Beasley is accusing his former agent and an AAU coach of conspiring to forge a relationship with him from the age of 14 and giving his mother improper cash benefits while Beasley starred at Kansas State, all in an effort to land the basketball prodigy as a client.

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Shannon Brown: NBA owners assertions are ?like a guy who wants to get next to a chick?

Laker guard Shannon Brown told Stephen A. Smith's radio show on Tuesday that the NBA players are ready to lose an entire season, if they have to. That they're steadfast in their resolve, though he conceded that "we don't want to, though." Sounds like the party line continues unabated.

Brown is upset at the general public's apparent unease with the players, and the support for the owners as the lockout persists. The owners are still getting paid by the massive national television deal it signed years ago, while the players stand to lose a wave of paychecks starting in a little under a month.

From the interview:

"They are getting money from the TV (networks) and the TV (networks) are paying them because they want to see us play," Brown said. "So, they're getting paid off our services without us giving any service anyway.

"Does that make us look bad or does that make them look bad?"

The high-flying guard also made an interesting comparison to David Stern's appeal to the masses as he attempts to defend the NBA's position in this labor disagreement:

"People can tell you anything," Brown said. "It's like a guy who wants to get next to a chick. He's going to tell her anything he wants just to get next to her. Just like the audience and the fans are being told anything (by the owners' side) just to keep them from going super crazy about what's really going on behind the scenes."

Well, I suppose that's one way of putting it. There are certain types of people that will lie through their teeth and say anything they can to establish some sort of relationship, be it fleeting or for all time. Then again, there are other types of people that, I don't know, can't live with themselves after betraying their ideals and acting duplicitous in order to get something that, initially, they can't have.

It's not that the players have exactly been forthcoming in these negotiations, but they do come off far less weasel-y than their counterparts across the table.

Billy Cunningham Dave DeBusschere Clyde Drexler Julius Erving Patrick Ewing

Mark Jackson isn?t planning on working many hours as a head coach

New Warriors head coach Mark Jackson has much to prove. As someone who's never held a coaching job at any level, he needs to earn the respects of his players and colleagues. Despite his reputation as a player, he needs to prove he can lead. In other words, he needs to show that he cares more about coaching than anything else he's done in basketball. He has to make it clear that he's going to take advantage of an opportunity most coaches spend their lifetimes working towards.

NBA coaches spend a ton of time pouring over game tape and preparing their teams as best they can. It makes sense that a rookie coach would need to work around the clock to catch up. Jackson, though, is planning on taking a different approach. From Matt Steinmetz of CSNBayArea.com, who spoke with Jackson (via PBT):

--Jackson said he's not big on long practices. He'd rather go shorter than longer when it comes to team workouts.

"If you're efficient and put quality work in, we can move on," Jackson said. "Ultimately, it's a long season. We will go over this stuff, well go over it in detail and then we'll be out of here. I'm not a guy who wants to keep players here three or four hours just to say we're here."

--Jackson said he's not the kind of coach who will be working 16-hour days, laboring over game tapes and spending an inordinate amount of time mulling the nuances of his job.

Jackson called coaches and coaching staffs that are said to be in the office before sunrise and out of the office after the sun goes down are guilty of "false hustle."

Jackson certainly has a point that working overly long hours can be�counterproductive, especially if the coach gets chronically tired and has trouble with the personal aspects of leading an NBA team. There is a legitimate point to be made there.

Still, claiming that any coaches that work 16-hour days are dealing in "false hustle" is an insult to basketball obsessives like Tom Thibodeau whose teams are legitimately better prepared than others almost every time they take the court. Jackson's comments here suggest that he may actually have a poor idea of what it takes to cut it as a high-level coach in today's NBA. At the very least, it makes little sense for him to be so dismissive of potential work hours when he's never had the job before.

The approach is indicative of Jackson's larger sense of what it means to be an NBA coach. From his multi-year interview process (during which he refused to put himself up for assistant jobs) to interviews like this one, Jackson seems to consider the job a right rather than a�privilege. Given the track record of most coaches, he could use a healthy dose of humility.

Pete Maravich Kevin McHale George Mikan Earl Monroe Shaquille O Neal

Al Harrington tries and fails to eat the best cheeseburger ever made

Last weekend Denver forward Al Harrington tried and failed to eat a six-cheese type of burger featuring two pounds worth of ground beef amongst other accoutrements, and this is both a good and bad thing.

A good and not entirely inappropriate go-to joke during the lead-up and duration of this NBA lockout has asked us to guess at who will turn out to be the 2011 (or, more than likely, 2012) version of Shawn Kemp following this labor impasse. Kemp, if you'll recall, showed up for the 1999 season massively out of shape; and he wasn't alone. Some careers were never the same.

We've heard rumors about those who have let things go a wee bit this time around, with Chuck Hayes and Carmelo Anthony leading the calorie-cause, but only Denver Nuggets wing (and mid-level exception anti-poster boy) Al Harrington is doing things on record. The Jersey guy is doing his part to let us dieting and/or "can't mess with the hands" folk live vicariously through him during this lockout.

From Haute Living via The Basketball Jones:

On Saturday, Denver Nuggets player Al Harrington took the Bugsy Challenge at Burger Joint at Flamingo Las Vegas. The Bugsy Challenge consists of a burger with six one-third-pound burger patties, six types of cheese (American, cheddar, pepper jack, fresh house-made mozzarella, Swiss and panko-crusted deep-fried provolone), chorizo, saut�ed mushrooms, black and tan onion rings, three strips of applewood smoked bacon, three strips of cayenne peppered bacon and a fried egg, all oozing with Burger Joint's special pink peppercorn aioli.

This massive burger is accompanied by a cast iron skillet packed with two whole potatoes cut in wedges and deep fried, then smothered in cheddar cheese sauce, three-cheese blend, crumbled bacon, sliced green onions and topped with two strips of cayenne peppered bacon.

The full Bugsy Challenge weighs in at 4.5 pounds and is on the house for anyone who can finish it. Harrington was given 45 minutes to complete the challenge and unfortunately did not succeed.

Apologies for the criticism in a time where levity works best, but this is what I hate about each of these food challenges. I'm not going to remind people that there are people starving in Korea or that some animal had to leave a wasted life in a pen for the chance to be half-finished by a Denver tweener. Nah, if the massive burger is on the menu, then you throw yourself at it. With gusto.

But to panko-crusted provolone? First off, panko crumbs are fantastic, but why misuse a nuanced (if very popular) cheese like that? Why waste chorizo on a sandwich that is only going to taste of ground chuck? Why add that much cheese to something that no punter will taste? The potato wedges with the delicious pork-based protein, however fatty? Why isn't that an entree? What a waste. Geez, people. Appreciate your salty snacks.

Hardwood Paroxysm's Danny Chau has his own criticism for Al, and while he was apparently hesitant to get into the competitive eating criticism realm, this is what a lockout does.

Here's Danny's partial take on how Harrington could have pulled it off:

The burger's towering stature makes it fairly clear that the burger will have to be deconstructed for any kind of progress to be achieved. I suggest removing the pick/skewer from the burger and creating a burger with both top and bottom bun with the two (2) deep-fried elements seen in the top portion of the burger, and three (3) patties. The remaining patties, bacon, mushrooms, and whatever else is hiding should be left on the plate for later. This newly constructed burger is still fairly large, but it's a much more manageable portion. The onion rings will add some crunch to break the monotony of texture in the burger, while the fried provolone along with the fried egg (which hopefully has a runny yolk) will provide some moisture to help you ease into the groove of consumption.

The groove of consumption, maaaaaan.

(I've made it a few weeks without making a bad "Occupy" joke. Not going to start now.)

Better luck next lockout, Al.

(Photo courtesy Haute Living and the Las Vegas Flamingo.)

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Nate Archibald Paul Arizin Charles Barkley Rick Barry Elgin Baylor

After being sued for $200K, Julius Erving puts his trophy case up for auction

Times are tough for business owners both big and small in 2011, and Basketball Hall of Famer Julius Erving is no exception. The former Philadelphia 76ers legend is being sued for nearly a quarter of a million dollars after an investment in a golf club went belly-up.

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution has the breakdown:

Erving's company was given a $1 million line of credit in April 2009, which was due the following April, according to the lawsuit obtained by the AJC. Erving used a Gwinnett County home as collateral to secure the loan, the lawsuit states.

In August 2010, the line of credit was reduced to $750,000 and the maturity date extended to July 24, the bank stated in the suit. But, an outstanding balance of $205,277.84�has not been paid, despite a demand letter for payment sent Sept. 29.

Erving, better known by his nickname Dr. J, moved to the Atlanta area in 2008, about two years after purchasing the Heritage Golf Club, near the Gwinnett-DeKalb county line. The AJC reported in April 2010 that the golf club was in foreclosure.

That's just all sorts of unfortunate. Erving has taken in plenty of post-playing work since retiring from the NBA in 1987, including stints as an analyst on NBC and a gig with the Orlando Magic as an advisor. It's not clear what his role in the failed golf club was, but he's certainly on the hook here.

In what the AJC is calling an "unrelated" event, a litany of Dr. J's personal memorabilia has gone up for auction, through the SCP Auctions company. It's a pretty significant list of swag, available here:

Some of the marquis items from the collection include Dr. J's 1974 and 1976 New York Nets ABA World Championship ring; 1983 Philadelphia 76ers World Championship ring; 1996 NBA's 50 Greatest Players ring; MVP trophies from 1975-76 (ABA) and 1980-81 (NBA); 1977 and 1983 NBA All-Star game MVP trophies; 1979, 1981 and 1985 Eastern Conference All-Star game-worn uniforms, 1982-83 Philadelphia 76ers game-worn road uniform; and his final game-worn jersey from Game 5 of the 1987 Eastern Conference playoffs.

That's not just some of his memorabilia -- that's all his memorabilia. Championship rings? MVP trophies? His jersey from his final game as a Sixer? It's a cool stash, but it's also more than a little depressing.

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George Gervin Hal Greer John Havlicek Elvin Hayes Magic Johnson

Shannon Brown: NBA owners assertions are ?like a guy who wants to get next to a chick?

Laker guard Shannon Brown told Stephen A. Smith's radio show on Tuesday that the NBA players are ready to lose an entire season, if they have to. That they're steadfast in their resolve, though he conceded that "we don't want to, though." Sounds like the party line continues unabated.

Brown is upset at the general public's apparent unease with the players, and the support for the owners as the lockout persists. The owners are still getting paid by the massive national television deal it signed years ago, while the players stand to lose a wave of paychecks starting in a little under a month.

From the interview:

"They are getting money from the TV (networks) and the TV (networks) are paying them because they want to see us play," Brown said. "So, they're getting paid off our services without us giving any service anyway.

"Does that make us look bad or does that make them look bad?"

The high-flying guard also made an interesting comparison to David Stern's appeal to the masses as he attempts to defend the NBA's position in this labor disagreement:

"People can tell you anything," Brown said. "It's like a guy who wants to get next to a chick. He's going to tell her anything he wants just to get next to her. Just like the audience and the fans are being told anything (by the owners' side) just to keep them from going super crazy about what's really going on behind the scenes."

Well, I suppose that's one way of putting it. There are certain types of people that will lie through their teeth and say anything they can to establish some sort of relationship, be it fleeting or for all time. Then again, there are other types of people that, I don't know, can't live with themselves after betraying their ideals and acting duplicitous in order to get something that, initially, they can't have.

It's not that the players have exactly been forthcoming in these negotiations, but they do come off far less weasel-y than their counterparts across the table.

James Worthy Kareem Abdul Jabbar Nate Archibald Paul Arizin Charles Barkley

Chris Andersen encourages children to solve Rubik?s Cubes

With the NBA lockout now in its fourth month, it's more important than ever for out-of-work players to find constructive ways to fill their time. After all, idle hands are the devil's workshop, tools or playthings, depending on your chosen translation of Scripture/preferred description of prehensile multifingered extremities.

Some players choose to keep their hands busy by playing in high-scoring exhibition contests. Others prefer filming commercials in which they dunk over cars. Denver Nuggets forward/center/iconoclast Chris Andersen, though? This weekend, his hands were full with encouraging Colorado schoolchildren to fill their hands with Rubik's Cubes.

From Kristina Iodice's advance story in the (Colorado Springs) Gazette:

Those who want to see real puzzle solving can check out a contest that's all about Rubik's Cubes and the kids who solve them ? without peeling off stickers.

Students from 14 schools across the Front Range will test their Rubik's Cube skills Saturday morning at the state's first "You CAN Do The Rubik's Cube" competition at the Colorado Springs City Auditorium.

The competition features a little star power. Denver Nuggets player Chris "Birdman" Andersen will offer commentary during the tournament and will present awards to the winners. Andersen is a Rubik's Cube fan and he supports an in-school program designed to foster students' science, technology, engineering and math (STEM) skills.

I appreciate the diligence of Iodice's reporting, but I'm sure we all already knew that Chris Andersen is a Rubik's Cube fan, because it is very obvious that he is committed to problem-solving.

When faced with the hypothetical problem of being stuck on a desert island and having to identify only one item he could bring with him, he solved that problem. When faced with the all-too-real problem of children having to meet an insufficiently boss Santa Claus, he solved that problem. And when faced with the realest problem ever ? the problem of having undecorated throat skin ? well, you know.

So, as the greatest tactical mind the NBA has ever seen, it is no surprise that Chris Andersen is a very big fan of Rubik's Cubes. Nor is it a surprise that, according to the parent of a student who participated in the event, which was part of the second annual Colorado Springs Cool Science Festival, Birdman "signed t-shirts, hats, jackets and Rubik's Cubes for all the competitors" and "did a great job rooting the kids on and joking along the way." After all, if he doesn't encourage the next generation of Cube-heads, who will?

Elvin Hayes Magic Johnson Sam Jones Michael Jordan Jerry Lucas

Video: Fall-fresh sitcoms are now taking shots at LeBron James

We understand, even without watching the ABC show "Happy Endings" before, that this is a lighthearted (and critically respected) comedy that bears no ill will toward LeBron James when it features a clip like this:

(via SB YM Devine.)

The joke is on the character, obviously. But we do have to keep something in mind, especially after Magic Johnson's lame attempt at joking about LeBron from earlier in the week.

LeBron James absolutely destroyed the Boston Celtics late in games against the then-defending Eastern Conference champions last spring. In the next round, he just about single-handedly put away the squad with the best record in the NBA, the Chicago Bulls, dominating down the stretch on both ends of the court in decisive fourth-quarter stretches. Four years before that, he gave us perhaps the best fourth-quarter showing in NBA playoff history. In 2008, he kept his terrible Cavalier team in games late against the eventual champions from Boston. In 2009? Well, Dwight Howard was in the way, and Ben Wallace couldn't guard Rashard Lewis.

In 2010, he gave up on his team. In 2011? Dallas was just better, I suppose, and the Miami experiment still has a lot of work on its hands. So does LeBron. It's called the pinch-post, guy. Remember that thing you used against Chicago? Bulls fans do.

But overall his body of work down the stretch of games is superb. He may have quit on his team in 2010, but it wasn't unlike what we all saw a frustrated Kobe Bryant do against the�Phoenix Suns in 2006 in a Game 7. LeBron has his issues, and we've documented them exhaustively here at BDL, but overall this image just doesn't fit if you've been paying full attention. And not just to his last five games.

I'd prefer to keep this succinct, because this is as long as this subject deserves. Magic, Jordan and Bird all lost games in the clutch. Big games, and not just desperate long-range shots. With free throws. With gimmies.

There might be a paucity of things to talk about over the coming weeks as the players and owners dive back into their respective hidey-holes, and even though this clip was created to poke fun at the character in question (and not LBJ), don't let any knowledgeable NBA fan get away with that at any of the seven Halloween parties you attend next week.

(Like you have anything better to do next week. It's not like there's any basketball to watch.)

Dave Bing Larry Bird Wilt Chamberlain Bob Cousy Dave Cowens

C-a-C Past Lives: Scot Pollard sees something he cannot unsee

Gotta get�back in time ... Welcome to another edition of�Create-a-Caption Past Lives. Bewildered by what appears to be a time-shifted work of either science fiction or fantasy? Then go�check out how it all started so you don't feel like you're living in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, ya rascal!

My guess? A Future Image search for "scot pollard hair." That's scarier than "The Shining," dog.

What do you think Scot Pollard saw? Best caption wins the spookiest song ever recorded. Good luck, and have lots of scary fun this weekend! I'll leave you with the same words of wisdom I got when I was 8 years old: "Watch out for the big kids throwing eggs and rocks. You might be dressed like The Flash, but you are a 'Husky' section shopper who does not run well at all."

Happy Halloween, everyone!

In our last adventure: INTO THE PAST! You guys laugh at this picture of Kevin Garnett, but you forget that, for like three years, imitating the "Wwwwaaaaazzzzzuuuuppppp?" guys was the comedic choice of a generation. A terrible, terrible generation.

Winner, Joel: Kevin Garnett cannot put his tongue back in his mouth after foolishly licking Stephon Marbury's head.

Runner-up, Thomas: KG responds with delight when someone asks who makes the more money of the two.

Second runner-up, Team Kickass: "Is it blue? It's not? [EXPLETIVE], these Ring Pops never work, man."

Walt Frazier George Gervin Hal Greer John Havlicek Elvin Hayes

Al Harrington tries and fails to eat the best cheeseburger ever made

Last weekend Denver forward Al Harrington tried and failed to eat a six-cheese type of burger featuring two pounds worth of ground beef amongst other accoutrements, and this is both a good and bad thing.

A good and not entirely inappropriate go-to joke during the lead-up and duration of this NBA lockout has asked us to guess at who will turn out to be the 2011 (or, more than likely, 2012) version of Shawn Kemp following this labor impasse. Kemp, if you'll recall, showed up for the 1999 season massively out of shape; and he wasn't alone. Some careers were never the same.

We've heard rumors about those who have let things go a wee bit this time around, with Chuck Hayes and Carmelo Anthony leading the calorie-cause, but only Denver Nuggets wing (and mid-level exception anti-poster boy) Al Harrington is doing things on record. The Jersey guy is doing his part to let us dieting and/or "can't mess with the hands" folk live vicariously through him during this lockout.

From Haute Living via The Basketball Jones:

On Saturday, Denver Nuggets player Al Harrington took the Bugsy Challenge at Burger Joint at Flamingo Las Vegas. The Bugsy Challenge consists of a burger with six one-third-pound burger patties, six types of cheese (American, cheddar, pepper jack, fresh house-made mozzarella, Swiss and panko-crusted deep-fried provolone), chorizo, saut�ed mushrooms, black and tan onion rings, three strips of applewood smoked bacon, three strips of cayenne peppered bacon and a fried egg, all oozing with Burger Joint's special pink peppercorn aioli.

This massive burger is accompanied by a cast iron skillet packed with two whole potatoes cut in wedges and deep fried, then smothered in cheddar cheese sauce, three-cheese blend, crumbled bacon, sliced green onions and topped with two strips of cayenne peppered bacon.

The full Bugsy Challenge weighs in at 4.5 pounds and is on the house for anyone who can finish it. Harrington was given 45 minutes to complete the challenge and unfortunately did not succeed.

Apologies for the criticism in a time where levity works best, but this is what I hate about each of these food challenges. I'm not going to remind people that there are people starving in Korea or that some animal had to leave a wasted life in a pen for the chance to be half-finished by a Denver tweener. Nah, if the massive burger is on the menu, then you throw yourself at it. With gusto.

But to panko-crusted provolone? First off, panko crumbs are fantastic, but why misuse a nuanced (if very popular) cheese like that? Why waste chorizo on a sandwich that is only going to taste of ground chuck? Why add that much cheese to something that no punter will taste? The potato wedges with the delicious pork-based protein, however fatty? Why isn't that an entree? What a waste. Geez, people. Appreciate your salty snacks.

Hardwood Paroxysm's Danny Chau has his own criticism for Al, and while he was apparently hesitant to get into the competitive eating criticism realm, this is what a lockout does.

Here's Danny's partial take on how Harrington could have pulled it off:

The burger's towering stature makes it fairly clear that the burger will have to be deconstructed for any kind of progress to be achieved. I suggest removing the pick/skewer from the burger and creating a burger with both top and bottom bun with the two (2) deep-fried elements seen in the top portion of the burger, and three (3) patties. The remaining patties, bacon, mushrooms, and whatever else is hiding should be left on the plate for later. This newly constructed burger is still fairly large, but it's a much more manageable portion. The onion rings will add some crunch to break the monotony of texture in the burger, while the fried provolone along with the fried egg (which hopefully has a runny yolk) will provide some moisture to help you ease into the groove of consumption.

The groove of consumption, maaaaaan.

(I've made it a few weeks without making a bad "Occupy" joke. Not going to start now.)

Better luck next lockout, Al.

(Photo courtesy Haute Living and the Las Vegas Flamingo.)

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Video: Vote this cat for Defensive Player of the Year

Many basketball fans do crazy things in the absence of an NBA season. Some burrow into holes and hibernate for the winter, others learn that there are important things in life outside of sports, and a lucky few get to purchase NHL season tickets as if it were a last resort. Everyone has a special way of coping.

I am borderline-insane, so I like to imagine that animals and robots are real basketball players. Up until now, the lockout has mostly given non-human-basketball connoisseurs immobile robot arms and their less impressive peers. Scouts have reached consensus that they are all late second-round picks at best.

Today, though, we have been blessed with an athlete who can change the way we view the game. To your eyes, this cat may look like a normal feline. In my opinion, though, we are looking at a future Defensive Player of the Year. Few players will show this kind of determination and effort in the face of a larger defender. No matter the move, this cat will move laterally with grace and athleticism to stop it. Its fundamentals are flawless.

Forget "The Glove," because "The Paw" is ready to take over.

(Via Buzzfeed and Taco Trey Kerby)

Nate Thurmond Wes Unseld Bill Walton Jerry West Lenny Wilkens

Al Harrington tries and fails to eat the best cheeseburger ever made

Last weekend Denver forward Al Harrington tried and failed to eat a six-cheese type of burger featuring two pounds worth of ground beef amongst other accoutrements, and this is both a good and bad thing.

A good and not entirely inappropriate go-to joke during the lead-up and duration of this NBA lockout has asked us to guess at who will turn out to be the 2011 (or, more than likely, 2012) version of Shawn Kemp following this labor impasse. Kemp, if you'll recall, showed up for the 1999 season massively out of shape; and he wasn't alone. Some careers were never the same.

We've heard rumors about those who have let things go a wee bit this time around, with Chuck Hayes and Carmelo Anthony leading the calorie-cause, but only Denver Nuggets wing (and mid-level exception anti-poster boy) Al Harrington is doing things on record. The Jersey guy is doing his part to let us dieting and/or "can't mess with the hands" folk live vicariously through him during this lockout.

From Haute Living via The Basketball Jones:

On Saturday, Denver Nuggets player Al Harrington took the Bugsy Challenge at Burger Joint at Flamingo Las Vegas. The Bugsy Challenge consists of a burger with six one-third-pound burger patties, six types of cheese (American, cheddar, pepper jack, fresh house-made mozzarella, Swiss and panko-crusted deep-fried provolone), chorizo, saut�ed mushrooms, black and tan onion rings, three strips of applewood smoked bacon, three strips of cayenne peppered bacon and a fried egg, all oozing with Burger Joint's special pink peppercorn aioli.

This massive burger is accompanied by a cast iron skillet packed with two whole potatoes cut in wedges and deep fried, then smothered in cheddar cheese sauce, three-cheese blend, crumbled bacon, sliced green onions and topped with two strips of cayenne peppered bacon.

The full Bugsy Challenge weighs in at 4.5 pounds and is on the house for anyone who can finish it. Harrington was given 45 minutes to complete the challenge and unfortunately did not succeed.

Apologies for the criticism in a time where levity works best, but this is what I hate about each of these food challenges. I'm not going to remind people that there are people starving in Korea or that some animal had to leave a wasted life in a pen for the chance to be half-finished by a Denver tweener. Nah, if the massive burger is on the menu, then you throw yourself at it. With gusto.

But to panko-crusted provolone? First off, panko crumbs are fantastic, but why misuse a nuanced (if very popular) cheese like that? Why waste chorizo on a sandwich that is only going to taste of ground chuck? Why add that much cheese to something that no punter will taste? The potato wedges with the delicious pork-based protein, however fatty? Why isn't that an entree? What a waste. Geez, people. Appreciate your salty snacks.

Hardwood Paroxysm's Danny Chau has his own criticism for Al, and while he was apparently hesitant to get into the competitive eating criticism realm, this is what a lockout does.

Here's Danny's partial take on how Harrington could have pulled it off:

The burger's towering stature makes it fairly clear that the burger will have to be deconstructed for any kind of progress to be achieved. I suggest removing the pick/skewer from the burger and creating a burger with both top and bottom bun with the two (2) deep-fried elements seen in the top portion of the burger, and three (3) patties. The remaining patties, bacon, mushrooms, and whatever else is hiding should be left on the plate for later. This newly constructed burger is still fairly large, but it's a much more manageable portion. The onion rings will add some crunch to break the monotony of texture in the burger, while the fried provolone along with the fried egg (which hopefully has a runny yolk) will provide some moisture to help you ease into the groove of consumption.

The groove of consumption, maaaaaan.

(I've made it a few weeks without making a bad "Occupy" joke. Not going to start now.)

Better luck next lockout, Al.

(Photo courtesy Haute Living and the Las Vegas Flamingo.)

Other popular stories on Yahoo! Sports:
? College basketball's top 12 preseason frontcourts
? Could Cards bring back Chris Carpenter for potential Game 7?
? Video: Don't trust in Tony Romo, Fantasy fans

Bob Pettit Scottie Pippen Willis Reed Oscar Robertson David Robinson